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Bring back lost loop spells

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mjamja View Drop Down
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    Posted: 12/05/2017 at 7:56pm
The following was inspired by the Bring Back Lost Loves spam post that has since been deleted.

Is your opening loop spending more time in the net than on your opponent's side of the table?  Is your counterloop flying longer off the table than a Bubba Watson drive?  Does changing your rubber and blade make no difference?  Some unsympathetic people will tell you that you need to get coaching and practice more.  But you know there must be more to it and I do too.  There is a very good chance someone has placed a "missing" spell on you and your equipment.   Do you remember that old guy with the eastern European accent looking at you strangely after you beat him 3-0?  Did his coach keep looking into some crystal ball thingy?  Did you see that little old lady you destroyed so mercilessly chanting in some strange tongue as she mixed some odd powders in a small pot?  Was that young hippie guy holding some crystals as he examined your racket before the match where everything started to go wrong?  If you answered yes to any of the above then you might be the victim of an evil missing spell.  Even if you did not notice these types of things happening, you know that being cursed is the most likely cause of your problems (just ahead of not being able to buy the special pro versions of rubbers and rackets with the special handle shapes used by your favorite pro).  

But do not give up hope.  For a small fee we can remove any of those nasty lost loop spells.  We will send you a spiritual rubber cleaner infused with the playing sweat of JO Waldner (shakehanders)  or Ma Lin (penholders).  In addition we will send you a protective amulet which contains small bits of balls broken by CNT A team players in actual practice (please specify preference of Nittaku, DHS D40, or XuShaoFa).  Our special incantation endows these amulets with the healing energy to cure all those TT spells which have been cast on you.  We guarantee you will be back playing just like you were before any spell was cast on you.

In addition to lost loop spell cures we also offer serve return charms.  These beauties combine small particles of long pips specially treated by Pushblocker himself with eyelashes of world top 20 players (to increase ability to read spin) and our special AOTT (always on the table) incantation.  This combination insures your ability to return any serves from anyone of less than world class standing.

Just call 555-223-5667 (555-BAD-LOOP) and let us spell out the way to a better game.

Mark - Chief Shaman for TT Spells R Us

Edited by mjamja - 12/05/2017 at 9:11pm
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Poseidon View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Poseidon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/05/2017 at 8:04pm
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Baal View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Baal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/05/2017 at 8:09pm
We don't need coaches. We need Psychic Friends.
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smackman View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote smackman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/05/2017 at 8:23pm
we need lower nets
Ulmo Duality,tibhar Aurus Prime Dr N Pistal Black
NZ table tennis selector, third in the World (plate Doubles)I'm Listed on the ITTF website,
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