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    Posted: 03/12/2018 at 12:49am

 An observation about the EQ of some young players.  It's quite low, to the point of being retarded.  The other day in Markham, ON, I asked a young player named Jeffrey if I could play with him, and he said coldly, dismissively, "I'm playing my dad, he's coming in a few minutes".  That's it. See, if that were me at 15 or 16, I would say something like "Sorry, I am playing my dad, but I would love to play you later, or next time you come here" The idea is to open doors, not close them. And this kid has seen me before. I'm no world class player by any stretchSmile, but I can be challenging.  Similarly, there's a top young female player in Ottawa, whom you can tell is following manuals and basically being a robot. Would never say anything articulate or thoughtful.  Both these players are essentially selfish, , unacknowledging and unappreciative, and they are just 2 examples of a huge number of younger players. Not saying this with any joy. JMTC


Edited by AVarun - 03/14/2018 at 4:20pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mts388 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/12/2018 at 1:18am
I find that most young players will hit with me.  It's my understanding that with so much texting going on, people are losing their communication skills.  When I visit other clubs, coaches like their younger players to hit with me since I use LP's and provide a nice training session.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mjamja Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/12/2018 at 2:17am
Originally posted by mts388 mts388 wrote:

I find that most young players will hit with me.  It's my understanding that with so much texting going on, people are losing their communication skills.  When I visit other clubs, coaches like their younger players to hit with me since I use LP's and provide a nice training session.



You probably never noticed the "Play me to build confidence" sign someone stuck on your back.

When I finally noticed mine I understood why players wanted to hit with me.

Mark - Not a coach, not a hitting partner, not an opponent to test your game, but one hell of a confidence builder. 
 


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mickd Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/12/2018 at 3:35am
Mark... wish I could hit with you haha.

I suspect those kids don't mean any disrespect, but like mts388 said, just lacks communication skills.

There are a few people I know who are really cocky. They give me the drive to keep practicing. I WILL beat them one day!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote hookumsnivy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/12/2018 at 8:06am
The best answer isn't "maybe later or maybe next time you're here". The best answer is "I'm waiting for someone who will be here in a few minutes, we can hit until they get here."

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote darucla Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/12/2018 at 9:13am
I barely remember my teenage years (largely self preservation I suspect), but what I do remember is someone who was very uncomfortable talking to anyone outside of his immediate family and circle of friends.  I didn't mean to upset anyone, but it's likely I did.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kolevtt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/12/2018 at 9:35am
Maybe you can ask Jeffrey next time : Would you like to play with me until your father come? That will works, I think so. And use your smile, it is important for children...
Sometimes children understand different questions from different people, it could sounded more like something as obligation to play with you, so he refused more directly, using his father as excuse.
Anyway, if you practice often in this hall you must find solution for this case. Going in the hall for tt must be a pleasure, no matter sometimes someone is not in good mind-shape...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AVarun Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/12/2018 at 12:26pm
"And use your smile, it is important for children...
Sometimes children understand different questions from different people, it could sounded more like something as obligation to play with you,"

  That may happen now and then, but in this case, the kid was a computer following an algorithm, and that made him only able to play his father, and no one else.  You could be Canada's number one player, and the response would be more or less the same. Yes, there are young players who are actively snobbish and arrogant, but there are also those who are pre-programmed machines.   Both are examples of very low EQ.


Edited by AVarun - 03/14/2018 at 8:36am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote emihet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/13/2018 at 8:45pm
i also believe that many kids in the US and Canada who play don't play because of the passion they have for the sport and for fun...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Wzhang8107 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/14/2018 at 2:13pm
He just doesn’t want to play with you, don’t be too sensitive lol!

Edited by Wzhang8107 - 03/14/2018 at 2:13pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AVarun Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/14/2018 at 3:20pm
That's of course the simple explanation, but it's an observation about the general character, attitude and communication skills of a lot of young players.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dsc13 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/14/2018 at 7:12pm
I don't think it's uncommon for teenagers to be uncomfortable talking to adults.
This especially true when put into a somewhat awkward position of saying "No" to an adult.
I think this tendency begins to fade as they age and the age difference is less significant.

As a matter of fact, I find there is a surprisingly large number of adults who can't smoothly say "No" when they are in the same situation.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote GeneralSpecific Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/14/2018 at 9:20pm
Originally posted by kolevtt kolevtt wrote:

Maybe you can ask Jeffrey next time : Would you like to play with me until your father come? That will works, I think so. And use your smile, it is important for children...
Sometimes children understand different questions from different people, it could sounded more like something as obligation to play with you, so he refused more directly, using his father as excuse.
Anyway, if you practice often in this hall you must find solution for this case. Going in the hall for tt must be a pleasure, no matter sometimes someone is not in good mind-shape...


I like this response. My education and degree is in communication and I can tell you this is a better line of thinking.

Rather than calling someone retarded or claiming they use their cellphone too much, be a little more aware that people come from different backgrounds and are in situations that differ from yours. You need to consider their perspective if you can. Who are they? Are they from an Asian culture? Were they raised as kids to not talk to strangers? What are the societal norms of wherever they are from and also wherever they are currently living in. The list can go on. Also, adolescents in general often have less developed communication skills that often get ironed out in young adulthood. To me, it doesn't sound as if anyone was trying to be rude. Sure, there are much better ways of going about interacting with others than the way they seem to be but this appears to be a much smaller problem than you make it out to be.

If you're worried about communication skills then maybe it's time to look introspectively and see what you're doing wrong because honestly, the opening post reeks of "old man who wants the kids to get off his lawn".
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CraneStyle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 10:12am
++ General Specific - I agree

“Stranger Danger” is real...

The child/ teen is right here...

Introducing yourself to the father first would be a civilised approach...

Letting the child know that their father knows you and you’re a good person...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AVarun Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 11:47am
"If you're worried about communication skills then maybe it's time to look introspectively and see what you're doing wrong because honestly, the opening post reeks of "old man who wants the kids to get off his lawn".

 No no, I value awareness and eloquence, not just technical proficiency, in TT or anything. Smallness is an absolute wrong! There's history behind that, and no need to get into it on the TT forumSmile. Also, these are youngsters 14 and up, not 7 year olds.


Edited by AVarun - 03/15/2018 at 11:47am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote bard romance Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 12:15pm
Originally posted by AVarun AVarun wrote:


 An observation about the EQ of some young players.  It's quite low, to the point of being retarded.  The other day in Markham, ON, I asked a young player named Jeffrey if I could play with him, and he said coldly, dismissively, "I'm playing my dad, he's coming in a few minutes".  That's it. See, if that were me at 15 or 16, I would say something like "Sorry, I am playing my dad, but I would love to play you later, or next time you come here" The idea is to open doors, not close them. And this kid has seen me before. I'm no world class player by any stretchSmile, but I can be challenging.  Similarly, there's a top young female player in Ottawa, whom you can tell is following manuals and basically being a robot. Would never say anything articulate or thoughtful.  Both these players are essentially selfish, , unacknowledging and unappreciative, and they are just 2 examples of a huge number of younger players. Not saying this with any joy. JMTC

LOL. That's quite a heavy assumption and critique that you're drawing just because some kid told you he didn't want to play with you. Then you come here and make a comment like "EQ so low to the point of retardation", if behavior like this is reflective of how you are in real life then it's no wonder the guy didn't want to play with you. Or maybe it's just as simple as his dad was coming in a few minutes so he didn't want to get on the table and start hitting. Star 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote bard romance Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 12:28pm
Originally posted by AVarun AVarun wrote:

"And use your smile, it is important for children...
Sometimes children understand different questions from different people, it could sounded more like something as obligation to play with you,"

  That may happen now and then, but in this case, the kid was a computer following an algorithm, and that made him only able to play his father, and no one else.  You could be Canada's number one player, and the response would be more or less the same. Yes, there are young players who are actively snobbish and arrogant, but there are also those who are pre-programmed machines.   Both are examples of very low EQ.

Your post reeks of someone who lacks EQ yourself. "Kid was a computer following an algorithm". He didn't want to play with you, then or probably in the future. He gave you an answer accordingly. And now you are complaining to random people on the internet about the maturity of a not-completely developed human because you feel slighted. You made the assumption in the first post that just because you are a competent player he wanted to play with you. You also assume that just because he's "seen" you before that he gives a damn. Maybe he didn't? Maybe he was tired from school? Maybe he wanted to take a breather before his dad got there? Maybe he was tied up with something else at the moment? No, he must be retarded, right?

I'm willing to bet you probably walked up and said something like "hey do you wanna hit" without any previously established rapport or friendliness, yet are surprised when he replied with the same level of decorum. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AVarun Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 6:27pm
^^^
 I wouldn't make a comment like that, if I wasn't sure of it.  It was based on observations of that player's and several other players'  behaviour going back months, even years. It's not a one-off incident.


Edited by AVarun - 03/15/2018 at 6:28pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mts388 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 6:38pm
Originally posted by AVarun AVarun wrote:

^^^
 I wouldn't make a comment like that, if I wasn't sure of it.  It was based on observations of that player's and several other players'  behaviour going back months, even years. It's not a one-off incident.


If what you describe doesn't happen to me, but happens to you, why do you suppose the problems are with the kids? 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AVarun Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 6:54pm
I have played with many young players in the age range of 12-18. I was making an observation of the EQ and awareness levels of many( not all) in that segment, of which the incident is a sample.

In a somewhat lighter vein, it's possible that you are higher level, that your LP gives them good practice, that they don't see you as a competitor and so on.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NextLevel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 7:11pm
Guys, Avarun has been posting on the forum for a while. Judge him by his body of posts not just this one. Though of course if you find a trend, feel free to point it out...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mts388 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/15/2018 at 10:45pm


In a somewhat lighter vein, it's possible that you are higher level, that your LP gives them good practice, that they don't see you as a competitor and so on.
[/QUOTE]

I suspect you are correct.  I'm not sure about the higher level, but I generally don't ask to hit with players that are quite a bit better than I am.  I look for a hitting partner that practice will benefit both of us. 


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bard romance Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/16/2018 at 12:23pm
Originally posted by AVarun AVarun wrote:

^^^
 I wouldn't make a comment like that, if I wasn't sure of it.  It was based on observations of that player's and several other players'  behaviour going back months, even years. It's not a one-off incident.

Okay, so what comments did you make that warranted any more of a response than that he's about to be busy and doesn't have time and/or want to play? If it's based off years of behavior from this person then what is the surprise and need to mention it on a forum where nobody knows who you're talking about? It's not exactly breaking news that plenty of kids can come across as aloof and not too polite, immature, and this isn't limited to youth table tennis players in Ontario. 

Anyways, clearly I and many others don't share these same experiences so you may want to self-reflect and ask why you seem to elicit this behavior from people so much, if it's really out of the norm. The fact that you felt the need to call them "borderline retarded" on a web forum would be reflective of one reason I could think of.

This and especially this might also be your answer. 


Edited by bard romance - 03/16/2018 at 12:27pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AVarun Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/16/2018 at 7:45pm


You've probably guessed that there's a deeper reason, that goes beyond table tennis. Let's say it involves a visceral dislike of seeing this kind of behaviour( small, self absorbed, unaware, narrow minded) succeeding in table tennis or in anything.  But I'll rein in these type of postings from here on. Smile


Edited by AVarun - 03/16/2018 at 9:57pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Fulanodetal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/17/2018 at 1:24am
What's IQ:




What's an EQ:




FDT
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tt Gold Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/17/2018 at 2:52pm
Originally posted by Fulanodetal Fulanodetal wrote:

What's IQ:




What's an EQ:




FDT
he is talking about EQ not IQ.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chairman Meow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/17/2018 at 2:54pm
EQ refers to the Emotional Intelligence Test  or the Emotional |Q.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Fulanodetal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/17/2018 at 7:14pm
"EQ refers to the Emotional Intelligence Test  or the Emotional |Q."

I knew someone would say this. But you are completely WRONG. I've read the posting, and in the context the OP is talking about he is not referring to Emotional Quotient. He is clearly talking about IQ, especially when he uses the term "retarded" to describe the subjects he is talking about. He is talking about their intelligence not their "Emotional Quotient".

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chairman Meow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/17/2018 at 8:00pm
I disagree. 

He may use the word retarded, but the context is definitely emotion and emotional awareness, not intelligence. He clearly describes these young players as "selfish , unacknowledging and unappreciative," "snobbish and arrogant," and as "pre-programmed machines." He even lists out behaviours he dislikes seeing: being "small, self absorbed, unaware, [or] narrow minded." Never does he comment on the intelligence of the player in question; he just complains about his maturity and consideration of other's emotions. Thus, his use of the term "EQ" is most definitely in reference to the "Emotional Quotient," and not IQ.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chairman Meow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/17/2018 at 8:29pm
And please, at least try to be respectful when you disagree with people. Not everyone sees things the same way you do.
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