How to find relaxation?

I am posting a message in some forums to get some help, but I am still angry (and a bit tired) to write the idea again with different words , so I am copying my message from another forum and posting here.

Here it goes:

"I have to admit it-I am really angry. A couple of days ago I lost a couple of matches in which I feel I could have played a lot better. I guess my problem is in the mental departament. In a word- I can't relax. I played  in a very stiff way, it was just as if  "Robocop" were looping, with that "penguin" swinging arm.  The tightness of my muscles was brutal. The funny thing is that  while the ball was coming, I could tell myself  "Now, get down with the legs, move forward,etc.", but my body didn' t seem to notice. And of course, is not the very first time it happened. It's part of my luggage in almost any tournament!!

I have played "garage-ping-pong" during high-school, and after not touching a paddle  for a looong time a year and 9 months ago, I began playing with personal coaching. I think it's time to face another problems (i.e,drop shots, tactical issues,etc.), but not still struggling with lack of relaxation!!

OK, ok, I know that in real matches performance drops about  a 60% from your training, but why other training partners that have my same level during practice, play better than me during tournaments? Is there a gift to get calm that some people have and another not?  By the way, am I  experimenting a paradox, that is, that I am trying "too hard" to relax and so I am adding tension to my tension, as if one give someone a contradictory task like "Be spontaneous"?

The final purpose of this post is to ask for real help, and besides your comments, it would be nice if someone know of any specific literature or method (i.e., hypnosis) that can be helpful. Please, keep in mind that my problem, I guess, is not to get cold during crucial points (like being down 9-11), or how to plan in advance to improve 100 points in my ranking, so I think the books "With winning in mind" or "Winning ugly" may not be of much help.  There are some books on golf  about mental performance,  but I am afraid many of these books just put a couple of common sense ideas and the rest is bla,bla,bla.

 Many people tell me "Just relax", but I wish I found a way to replace the word "just" by a specific method that can translate into body perceptions... Perhaps there are many ways and I am too lazy to train my mind and my body as hard as I do with my serves, loops, hitting.etc. Perhaps.... 

I think Carl Danner (the coach that writes weekly tips in the USTTA site) touched a fiber when he spoke about fear as the root of performing badly, and  there  is a book about golf called "Fearless golf" which may adress the issue, but I would like to hear from you from your real experience with these phantoms and how did you overcame them...

Thanks a lot....

Oso Moroso

lateral thinking .... try imagine for that particular game you are actually behind points and you know even how good you are to play, you are going to be defeated in that match. play like there is no more hope for you in that game... if it benefits you then go ahead with it. if not then you should be going to bahamas or phuket or bali or hawaii for a long holiday....

I think I have a similiar habit with my forehand hits and loops... I find when a coach tells me to "relax" it literally means to loosen up.  Not mentally relax.  I have a very bad habit which sounds simliar to yours. That is my forehand becomes rigid and tight... I literally shake my playing arm around loosely and remember to extend the forearm and not hold my elbow so tightly to my body... I've just started to over come this bad habit... but it still returns after about 30 strokes when I get a bit fatigued...

For me, part of it is I have a hard time putting together the waist rotation and shifting of weight into the ball from the right foot to left foot (i'm a righty) when playing which takes some stress off the arm. Sometimes I stress trying to put it all together (telling myself in my head) instead of just doing it.

I have big problems at mental departament haha :P

I lose some tournaments and important matchs because i was nervous, lose to easy opponents.

I found two solutions:

I run 20minutes before to play, and begin the firsts points very good, after win some points, my style begin to win games and matchs. After won one match, i was more calm and play very better.

And i try to vibrate more, liberating anxiety, to finish nervousness . I think i have better results after running before matchs.

20 minute jogging is a good idea. I never participated in serious competitions, but was observing myself for last half a year and noticed some important things. Whatever it is, a training or a friendly game, I start very bad. My reaction fails, half of my shots are awful, my footwork is too slow. (i notice it immediately but feel helpless, like "That forehand drive was awkward and it`s obvious!" or "You could block that ball down the line, that was the best decision but you were stick to the ground!").
Then, after playing for about 20-30 minutes, I get upset with myself, have a 5minute break and ... everything improves! I`ve noticed I become kind of... emotionless, indifferent to anything.
So my tip is: watch a good drama movie before (whatever "good drama movie" means to you), then have a jogging session or, even better, play a short training game with someone.

Thanks in_this_pace and jornalista, I am having a tournament in 15 days,and I am planning not to read in advance (in the Internet) which players are in my qualy zone, so as not to speculate in my mind if I have or not a chance to get to next round. Just give my best whoever is my opponent.

I will show up an hour earlier and try to warm up (not only forehand against forehand or loop against block, but also "feeling" drills, like service-reception,short game,etc.) and get used to the "environment". And the idea of not thinking all the time about TT sounds good, too...So watching a movie the night before seem to be something that can take you from all that "mental dialogue" that usually happens before a tournament.

Oso Moroso

OK, first of all; Its not a matter of life and death. So, enjoy your game! Instead of thinking of it as a tournament, think of it as practise. When I find myself being to "stiff" I try to run it of. It may take some points to do so, but work really hard with your feet and focus on them. That always helps me to do moore relaxed armmovements.

I dont know about this Imagine loosing techniq. Then I would use "freak out" and try to make impossible shots all the time and that selldoms leads to victory...

Good luck!

I had a friend, long long time ago, who was playing so good and winning a lot, while I was a starting competition and loosing a lot. One day I asked him : How come you win so often ? He answered : The reason why I'm winning a lot now is that...I've been loosing a lot before. Think about that. In other words you have to learn how to loose before you understand how to win.